surreal thoughts

Manokwari, September 12, 2006, 10:30 PM

I’m not sad.

You went to Bintuni this morning, I have more important things to do than to deliver you to Rendani Airport. Sorry.

The night before, you ask me to guard the key to your heart. My mind is closed and my heart is numb. I felt so stupid. I don’t even know what does that mean. Even now.

Why? Why did you ask me to hold the key to your heart? Did you love me? Do you love me? Do I love you? Love is overrated.

Was it because I’m nice to you? Was it because of the cuddling? Was it because of the kisses? Was it because of my warmth? Was it because of my touch on your skin? Was it because of the orgasms?

Very well, I’ll hold the key to your heart. I’ll show it to you polished and all, if you come to visit me next month and every next time you visit me. Or if I had the chance to visit you. But don’t count on it. Slim chance, as for me, between Bintuni and Manokwari, there’s a country to cross, there’s the future of a nation, there’s the future of the youth of this nation.

March 2007, you’re going to return to Bandung, where you belong, your home, your life, your future, your world. And I will stay here, at Manokwari, where I belong, my new home, my new life, my future, my new world. So I’ll return the key to your heart then. And we shall be another sweet painful memory.

You’re special, it is true.

I really miss you and I will miss you, it is true.

In romance we will.

Friendship it be still.

Will you read this? The next year? Someday? You said you don’t read blogs.

I’m not sad.